Promoting the year of the dragon.

This guy has advertising legs2012 is officially here and suddenly my inbox and mail box are filled with a flurry of perfectly-timed pitches to finally lose the weight and tighten the tummy; increase my ROI for the first quarter; embrace a “New Year, New [fill in the blank]” mindset; save 20% on this spring’s extra-sneaky sneak peek at fashion; and to make 2012 the year I finally get discovered! Even I sent a “Happy New Year” email. (Hopefully, you received it. I tried for a unique angle. Let me know if I achieved that.) But I have not yet seen one promotion that taps into a theme that we are told to embrace for the next 360-something days. No one argued that it’s the wrong Chinese zodiac animal to represent the New Year. I didn’t hear a peep about ROI, P&L, RTBs (reasons to believe) or USPs (unique selling propositions), unless there were meetings I was not invited to attend. There was no creative brief to follow. The theme is all about tradition…and simply following the Chinese lunar calendar. Whether the rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, rooster, dog or pig is next in line, is completely out of our control.

So, this year’s “hook” is...the dragon. Yes, 2012 is the year of the dragon. Chinese New Year is January 23^rd and that date kicks off a year’s worth of longevity, wealth and prosperity, dragon-style. If you were born in a dragon year, 2012 should be filled with excitement, unpredictability, exhilaration, intensity, and maybe even a bit of drama here and there. (I was born in the year of the horse. No wonder I liked the TV show Mr. Ed growing up.)

If we run with the “year of the…” theme and turn it into a dynamic marketing promotion, here are a few concepts we could kick around.

Let’s start with a PSA on PBS, the TV station that airs the wholesome children’s animated show, Dragon Tales. Four friendly dragons—Ord, Cassie, Zak and Wheezie—are spokespeople for the year of the dragon. “Hey, kids, moms and dads,” they say in unison. “It’s the year of the dragon and that means for the next 365 days remember to keep watching our show so long-tailed creatures like us can take you on fun-filled tours through Dragon Land!” Theme song plays, viewership increases, advertising increases, TV executives are happy, kids are happy, innocents shows like this one don’t get replaced by weird reality TV where people eat paper. Life is good.

An email campaign runs to boost subscriptions for a host of health and fitness magazines. “Feel like you’re draggin’ your bottom out of bed every morning? Myths about what really makes you healthy seem to dragon and on? It’s time to breathe fire into your life…get those six-pack scales…tails of steel…and discover the latest tips for living millions of years!” Call to action is a special promotion of $20.12 for one year of your soon-to-be favorite health and fitness magazine. Subscriber rates triple, magazine sales are up and the dragon saves the paper publication from extinction.

A postcard is mailed to every person who has a plan with a wireless carrier. (A lot of people, huh?) The front of the postcard features a cool, mystical illustration of a dragon with oversized wings and a state-of-the-art cell phone floating near his face. The headline reads: ”It’s the year of the dragon. The perfect time to give your cell phone wings when you drive!” The marketing objective is to get cell phone users to start using a new-fangled levitation field that floats their phone near their ear for true hands-free use while driving. Finally, both hands safely on the wheel, no matter what state you live in. The field is $99.95, no shipping and handling fees (since the field is basically air anyway), plus a money-back guarantee AND a free vanilla-scented car air freshener just for trying. Check or money order made out to Safrantasticals, LLC.

Branding the year of the dragon could be so much fun and it could really impact so many products and services, on a real social-conscience level. Movie releases, book promos, sky’s the limit. But the year of the ox? Good thing I have quite a few years to ponder that one.